


Pinnacle

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Futurefic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-02-16
Updated: 2003-02-16
Packaged: 2017-11-01 05:40:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/352617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lex forces Clark to face his past, present, and future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pinnacle

## Pinnacle

by Kellie

[]()

* * *

DISCLAIMER: As we all know, I don't own these guys, just use them and abuse them when the mood strikes. 

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Just want to thank Sindy and Holly for their input and beta. This story was begun months ago, and it's much improved thanks to their suggestions and comments. Any suckiness remaining is my own fault. 

FEEDBACK: This is only my second fic, so any feedback and/or criticism is appreciated--I have to learn somehow! :) 

**PINNACLE**

by Kellie 

* * *

From the window of an airplane soaring above the clouds, the town of Smallville could not be seen clearly, but appeared as uneven patches of a quilt done in shades of green and beige. Clark Kent knew this from the numerous times the Daily Planet's news chopper had set him down in his hometown. 

Hurrying away from the helicopter and toward the rooftop entrance to Lexcorp's fertilizer plant, Clark always felt a heavy sense of dread that never passed until he was safely belted into the helicopter and drifting back toward the bustling and over-crowded city of Metropolis. He never failed to note the irony that the fertilizer plant was the only place in Smallville that was accessible to aircraft, so that Clark had no choice but to return to Lex Luthor's factory each time he visited Smallville in the line of duty. To Clark it seemed like the gods were trying to tell him something: that he never should have left Smallville. Never should have left Lex, in particular. 

From his own vantage point, Superman saw Smallville in much more detail; as he soared above the clouds in nothing but shiny blue spandex and a flowing red cape, his eyes picked out the marquee of the Talon, Smallville's movie-theater-turned-coffee-house, and he read that tonight was "OPEN MIKE NIGHT...GET OUT OF THE SHOWER AND **INTO THE TALON".**

_Geez_ , _Lana_ , _don't you ever get tired of that one_? he thought, shaking his head with a sigh. Turning his head a bit to look further up the road, he spotted Martha Kent's old pick-up truck rumbling toward the Talon, no doubt with her daily delivery of home-baked pies and pastries. Superman salivated at the thought of Mrs. Kent's flaky but gooey apple pie. _Clark_ , he thought, *you're a lucky man to have a mother whose baking could satisfy the angels*. 

He watched Lana step out of the Talon to greet Mrs. Kent and started at the streaks of gray that shot through her velvety brown tresses. _Oh_ , _Lana_ , *I wish I had time to stop and see you*, _to feel your soft hair_ , _to touch your beautiful face_. 

He felt himself descending and quickly shook his head to clear the painful thoughts, straightening out his trajectory in the process. Superman was an excellent flyer with no need of airplanes or helicopters; his alien powers allowed him sights and experiences that no human could ever hope to attain. 

_All these gifts_ , _and what good are they_? he thought. His x-ray vision only brought him the sight of humans in agony; his superspeed only rushed him faster toward danger. True, he was always able to aid people, but did he truly make the world a better place? He could fly through the air "faster than a speeding bullet," but he was never able to stop the criminals from striking in the first place. He could shoot flames from his eyes, but he couldn't save those dying from disease. His powers couldn't save the world, no matter how hard he fought. Superman had tried time and time again, to no avail. It left him feeling helpless. 

Superman knew that he couldn't go into the most important battle of his life in this frame of mind. If Lex Luthor sensed even the slightest weakness in Superman, he would seize upon it with ferocious intensity and distort it into a weapon more powerful than even kryptonite, which seemed to be the only thing capable of harming Superman. *At least physically*, he thought bitterly. If Lex knew how deeply he still affected Clark Kent, then the battle would be won before it even began. Superman needed a little pep talk and knew just where to go; Clark's father always knew just what to say in situations like this. 

Superman spotted Jonathan Kent ducking into the barn, laden with a 50-lb. bag of fertilizer that was most definitely _not_ purchased from Lexcorp. He glided gracefully to the ground and came to a stop just outside the open barn doors. He was immediately assaulted with the scents of a working farm--manure, chicken feed, hay, and the musty smell of wet grass. He didn't need to use his x-ray vision or his expert hearing to find Mr. Kent, but was able to follow the pungent aroma of the fertilizer bag as Jonathan set it down heavily on a growing pile in the corner. Superman's face settled into a look of tender sadness as he took in Jonathan's gray hair and slightly stooped posture. God, why do people have to get old? Why can't they just stay young and strong like we remember them in our fondest memories? However his appearance changed, though, Superman knew Jonathan would always be the same hard-working, loving husband and father Clark had grown up with. Here goes, he thought. 

"Dad?" 

Jonathan froze at the sound of his son's voice. Turning in puzzlement, he said, "Clark, shouldn't you be in--" 

The thought was cut off and his bright blue eyes widened in surprise as he took in Superman's uniform. 

"I know, at work in Metropolis, but something more important came up." Clark looked at his feet, feeling as if he'd been caught playing hooky from school. It didn't matter how old Clark was, his father always had the power to make him feel like a teenager again. "I really need to talk to you." 

Jonathan looked deep into his son's eyes; seeing the fear and desperation in them, he laid his hand on Clark's shoulder. "Son, is everything okay? Are you hurt?" 

"No, Dad, I just need some advice. I feel...hopeless...confused...and I need to talk. Please." 

Satisfied that Clark wasn't going to expire on the spot, Jonathan nodded warily. "It must be important if you showed up dressed like that. Come on, let's get you inside before someone sees you, Superman." Though this last word was stated with a hint of sarcasm, Clark heard the pride in his father's voice. Jonathan had always been proud of Superman's heroic deeds and hated the fact that Clark rarely talked about them. Clark had made it clear to both his parents that whenever he came to visit in Smallville, he was Clark Kent and no one else; Superman was an "alter ego", and Clark preferred to keep the two personalities separate, which made this sudden appearance of Superman at the farm all the more strange and unexpected. Though Clark would stop by occasionally, Superman never had. 

"Have a seat, son." Jonathan said, pointing at the worn kitchen table. He removed his work gloves and reached into the refrigerator to retrieve the lemonade Martha had made earlier that morning. After filling two glasses and handing one to Clark, he gulped half his down in one loud swallow. "Love your mom's lemonade," he grinned. 

Clark smiled himself and took a long sip, savoring the sweet bitterness of his mother's lemonade. Sitting here in the old familiar kitchen he could almost pretend he was a kid again, just home from school. Almost. The tight pressure of his Superman costume restrained him from letting that daydream take over completely. He sighed and looked up as his father settled comfortably in the chair opposite him. 

In an attempt to dispel some of the gloom that had settled around his son, Jonathan smirked, "This isn't as simple as not knowing what to get Lois for her birthday, is it, son?" 

"I'm afraid not, Dad," Clark replied. "For once, my partner at the _Daily Planet_ is the last thing on my mind. I only wish it was as simple as that." He hesitated, not sure where to start. "I don't know who else to talk to, Dad. The bottom line is that if I don't meet Lex Luthor's demands in"--a quick glance at the clock on the wall--"three hours, he's going to blow up Smallville." 

Jonathan's hands tightened on the glass at the mention of Luthor's name. "And just how does he think he's going to do that, Clark? Smallville's a lot bigger than its name implies." 

Clark took another swallow of lemonade before answering. "Do you remember the caverns we found about fifteen years ago? When I was in high school? They had those ancient drawings on them that Kyla was so interested in." 

"Yes, of course." Jonathan remembered them well; his wife and son had clashed during the proposed destruction of the site, each of them loyal to opposite sides of the controversy. 

"Well, when Lex and I went...exploring...in them--"a flash of heat showed in Clark's cheeks--"we discovered that the caverns went far deeper than we thought. Those caverns are actually long tunnels that run underneath most of Smallville. Lex claims he planted explosives throughout the tunnels. He can set them off with a switch he has in the old castle." 

Jonathan's breath stopped for an instant. "Do you believe him, son?" 

Clark sighed. "I didn't at first, I thought he was bluffing, but while I was flying here I used my x-ray vision to look underground. I saw the proof. He really did it, and I have no doubt that he'll follow through with his threats if I don't do what he wants." 

Jonathan's eyes narrowed. "What is it that he wants, Clark?" 

His answer was slow in coming. "I'm not sure, but I think he wants _me_. But I don't think he'd blow up the town while he's in it." A look of weariness crossed his face. "I just don't know what to think. He said 'all will be explained' when I arrive at the castle, and he has an 'offer I can't refuse.'" 

"Spoken like a true Luthor," Jonathan spat. "Clark, why did you ever get mixed up with that monster? I warned you time and time again that he would hurt you, didn't I?" 

"Dad, please, do we have to get into this now? I don't have time for this!" Clark's voice rose in anger; he'd known his father would bring this up. "I couldn't help falling in love with him! I was a teenager and didn't know any better! Besides, he wasn't like this back then. He was..." The rest of his sentence came out in a whisper. "My friend." 

"Your friend? Clark, you were sixteen! You might have thought you knew what you were doing, but in my book, a twenty-one year old man getting involved with a sixteenyear -old boy is rape. No friend would do that!" Jonathan's rage poured out in the same argument they'd had almost ten years ago. "He never loved you, Clark! You were a toy to him, something to keep him busy while he was imprisoned in this hick town!" 

Clark winced at his father's bluntness. "It's not like I fought it, alright? Dad, please! Can we stop arguing? I didn't come here for this! I came for support, for one of your talks that always make me feel like I can conquer the world. If I'm just going to be insulted, I might as well head over to the castle now." He stood and was about to superspeed out of the room when his father's hand on his arm stopped him. 

"Clark, I'm sorry. I just wish none of that had ever happened. If only you'd listened to me from the beginning...do you know how many times Lex has made this town suffer just to get back at you for leaving him?" 

Clark sighed. "Yes, Dad, I do know. I live with it every day, working as a reporter in the city he practically owns. Do you know how often we're in the same room together? Can you imagine how difficult it is to remain Clark Kent, mild-mannered reporter, when I'm covering some society function that's thrown in his honor? All I want to do when I see him is take him aside and beg him to stop all the torture, all the pain that he causes Smallville. But to do that would be to admit to him that it's working, that it's getting to me. He's known from the start that Clark Kent is Superman, and he's used my feelings for him and this town against me." 

"'Feelings for him'?" Jonathan repeated. "Son, you can't still have feelings for Lex Luthor, not after all the agony he's caused you and the people you care about?" 

Clark turned away from his father and stared out the kitchen window. "Of course not. But Lex and I have a history, a past. Dad, no matter what you choose to believe, Lex and I loved each other as much as you and Mom. Maybe more. I know you don't want to hear that, but it's true." Tears shimmered in Clark's hazel eyes, brightening them like jewels. "I...still miss him sometimes, miss having someone to love." Ashamed, he lowered his head and leaned his elbows on the kitchen sink. 

Fighting his ever-growing hatred for Lex Luthor, Jonathan strode up to stand beside Clark and laid a hand on his shoulder. "What about Lois, son? I thought you two were getting close." 

Clark shook his head. "We were starting to, but..." he wiped at his eyes. "The truth is...well...Lex said something that made me back off." 

"Lex?" Jonathan blinked rapidly in confusion. "You mean you still talk to him?" 

"No, but sometimes he calls my apartment and leaves messages. He does it just to torment me. I've tried changing my phone number, but you know Lex; he can get anything he wants in Metropolis. He said once that the only reason I'm interested in Lois is because she looks like Lana Lang, and since I never took my chance with Lana, I'm making up for it now. Or trying to, anyway." Clark turned to face his father. "I think he's right." 

Jonathan closed his eyes and begged for patience. "Clark, I can't believe you still let him get to you. It's been twenty years, for God's sake! I know you have a soft spot for him, but what about Superman? Didn't you pretty much develop Superman as a defense against him? Against evil in general? Superman seems to have a lot more sense than Clark Kent, but both are a part of you. You have that steel, Clark; it came from inside you. Why can't you use it against Lex? Isn't Superman everything Clark Kent is not? Isn't he the brave hero who can overcome the odds and beat back evil in all its forms?" 

The sadness in Clark's eyes made Jonathan want to cry for his son. "Yes, Dad, Superman is part of me. But Clark Kent is also part of Superman, and Lex Luthor is a huge piece of what made both of us what we are today. If it wasn't for Lex, there would never have been a Superman." 

"If it wasn't for Lex, there would never have been a _need_ for Superman," Jonathan sneered. "Remember, Superman only came about because Smallville needed someone to help them fight Lex Luthor's tyranny. At the time, you had no idea you'd end up fighting evil all over the world." 

"Exactly, Dad. If it weren't for Lex, there wouldn't be a Superman to save earthquake victims in Turkey. There wouldn't be a Superman to help robbery victims in Japan. It's like the drawings on the wall of the caverns, Dad. We balance each other out. It's our destiny." 

Jonathan sighed and tried a different tack. "Okay, son, it's obvious that we'll never agree about this. Like you said, you didn't come here to argue with me about your past. So why did you come then? What is it you need me to say to you?" 

Clark returned to his chair at the kitchen table and finished off his lemonade in one long swallow. He indicated with a nod of his head that he wanted his father to sit down as well. After Jonathan was seated again, Clark leaned forward and took a deep breath. "The truth is, Dad, that I don't think I can do this anymore. I don't think I can be Superman anymore." 

Jonathan's eyebrows drew together in puzzlement. "But Clark, you love being Superman, you love saving people. What's changed?" 

"It's not enough. No matter how many people I save, no matter how fast I am or how many criminals I take down, there's still evil. Everywhere. I feel like I'm not doing any good." 

"We've had this discussion before, son. Remember when you were in high school and you tried to help the people who'd been mutated by the meteor rocks? Time and time again, you were able to help them, but some were too far gone or had already killed before you got to them. And you always felt responsible for them, especially the ones you couldn't save. Your mother and I were always so proud of you, even when you failed, because you had the courage to try. You're the bravest person I've ever known, and you never let your own fear hold you back. That takes more courage than you realize, Clark." 

"But it really doesn't, Dad," Clark argued. "I don't think you know this, but when I rush in to save someone, I feel no fear at all. None. It's not because Superman is indestructible; far from it! It's simply that I'm not afraid to die. Losing my life while saving someone else's is almost an honor. I know that sounds crazy, but if I have to go, that's how I want to do it. Each time I don my cape and fly to the rescue, I do it knowing I might not make it back. And I'm fine with that, because I know that what I'm doing is good and worthy. But lately it doesn't seem worthy. Don't get me wrong, every life I save is a treasure, but...what good does it do when I save a woman whose car is stuck on the railroad tracks only to lose a man a mile away who got caught in the crossfire of some street gangs at the same instant? I guess it's just that I hate the fact that I can't save everyone. No matter what I do, people still die senselessly." 

"Clark, I understand what you're saying, but I've said this to you at least a hundred times in the past ten years--you can't save the world. You can't save everyone every time. It's just not possible. You may be Superman, but you're still only one person. No matter how many personalities that person has," Jonathan added with a wink. "You can't tell me you'd really consider putting away the cape forever. Imagine how many more people would die senselessly without Superman in the world at all." 

A part of Clark knew this to be true; he'd had similar thoughts himself. "Okay, Dad, but how do I choose? What if I save a little kid who will grow up to be a serial killer? What if instead of that little kid, I could've saved Mother Teresa but didn't? How do I know that what I'm doing is a good thing?" Clark stood up and began to pace the kitchen floor. "I mean, look at you. You saved Lex's life when he was just a kid! If you'd known then what he'd turn out to be, you wouldn't have done it, would you?" He stopped and stared at his father. 

"Clark, that's not a fair question. He was just a child, and he was injured. I couldn't just leave him in the cornfield with a hysterical father." 

"Exactly, Dad. He was just a child, just like Jeffrey Dahmer and Ted Bundy were at one time. What if I'd saved one of them from death at a young age? Don't you think I'd be partly responsible for the deaths of their future victims?" Clark looked at his father, his eyes pleading with him to say no. 

Jonathan just sighed and rubbed his forehead as if he felt a headache coming on. "Clark, I don't know how to answer that. The truth is, you don't know at the time whether you're saving an angel or a devil. There's no way you _can_ know. You just have to go with your gut. Remember, these serial killers didn't start out bad; something made them that way. Maybe a bad home life or drugs. My point is that if they'd had Superman in their childhoods, maybe they would've turned out better. Do you know what Superman really does? He saves lives, but he also saves hope. Without a hero to believe in, most people would lose that hope. You're right, there's a lot of evil in the world that can't be conquered. But at least if there's Superman, there's always the hope that things will change. You have no idea what that means to the world." 

During this speech, Clark's face had slowly brightened. Now he understood why he'd stopped here, why his father always made things seem better; his father was _his_ hero. The realization brought tears to his eyes and before he knew it, he was standing in the old Kent kitchen squeezing the air out of his father's lungs in a tight hug while Jonathan tried desperately to breathe. "Son, you have to let go!" he wheezed with a chuckle. 

"Sorry, Dad," Clark apologized, loosening his embrace. "Sometimes I don't know my own strength. It's just...I just realized..." 

"It's okay, son, sit down before you hurt yourself. Or me," he laughed. "Did I say what you wanted to hear?" 

Clark remained standing, but smiled at his father. "Yeah, I think you did. Do you know that you're _my_ hero, Dad?" 

Jonathan's face started with unexpected pleasure. "How's that, son?" 

"Well, it's like you said. The world needs hope to keep going, and Superman needs hope to keep them going. Even a superhero needs a hero, you know," Clark smirked. "You're mine, Dad. You give me hope that maybe I can change things for the better." 

"Well, Clark, maybe you can. Just maybe you can." 

* * *

Clark glided to a halt in front of the rusty black iron gates that marked the entrance to the Luthor mansion. Though he'd heard from friends during his occasional visits that the mansion was deserted, he could never have predicted the state of ruin it had fallen into. Looking to the left, he took in the straw-colored lawn and the moldy fountain that obviously hadn't been cleaned in many years. To his right lay the sprawling oak tree that he and Lex used to picnic under when the weather was perfect; though the ground underneath it was littered with dead leaves, the tree itself seemed to have thrived in the midst of the rot and decay that surrounded the castle-like structure. 

The castle itself hadn't eroded much; it stood like a tarnished gem on a bed of rotted and moth-eaten velvet. Clark couldn't resist looking up at each window for a sign of life, of Lex, somewhere within its bowels. He wasn't surprised to find nothing, not even with the aid of his super-vision. After all, he was more than two hours earlier than the deadline Lex had set for his arrival. The Lex he'd known twenty years earlier preferred to be prompt, but not too early; a well-timed entrance was part of the game. Clark hated to think of this meeting as a game, but understood that Lex knew nothing else-- everything was a game to be won, a strategy to be put into action for the inevitable outcome of victory. _Was I just part of his strategy_ , _his Big Plan for world domination_? 

Clark took a deep breath and walked through the gates. He hadn't realized how close the memories were to his conscious mind, how easily they would slide back into place the moment he returned to the scene. During his visits to Smallville he'd always pointedly avoided going near the castle, knowing that to get too close would be a threat to the feelings he'd hidden deep down inside his heart. _And let's be honest_ , _Kent_ , his mind put in, _there was always the fear that Lex might be here_. 

He'd barely been able to rein in his emotions when forced into the same room with Lex; he knew better than to return to the place where their primal lust had grown and sweetened into affection and devotion. 

Hoping to get a look around the place before Lex arrived, he superspeeded straight through the wide double doors of the entrance and headed for Lex's study. Stopping before the open doorway, he inspected the spacious room and found it unchanged from the last time he'd been in there. Dust formed a layer on the furniture and the carpet, but otherwise everything was familiar and almost welcoming. The soft leather of the plush sofa called to his body with memories of comfort and content. In fact, the last time he sat on that sofa had been the happiest moment of his life, at least until the phone call. Sometimes Clark wished he'd never answered the phone -- that he had remained in blissful ignorance of Lex's betrayal. 

Where would they be now if that had been the case, he wondered. Would they be living in Metropolis, supping elegantly each night before retiring to their bedroom for a session of passionate lovemaking and tender cuddling? Would Lex kiss him goodnight and hold him tight while they slept peacefully, with no nightmares to wake screaming from? 

Clark suddenly felt Lex's warm breath on the back of his neck and spun around in terror, not sure if he was more afraid of Lex's presence or of his absence. Lex wasn't there; Clark's memory had supplied the torturous sensation. 

Clark groaned; now he understood why Lex wanted him here. He couldn't know how deeply the memories still affected Clark, but he was hoping that being in this place would bring them back, make Clark a bit weaker. Lex had always been the one to maintain control over the situation and himself, while Clark allowed his feelings to overpower him, to sweep him away from rational thought. If Clark was caught up in memories and sensation, then Lex would have the advantage and could obtain control over Superman. _Nice game plan_ , _Lex_. _At the rate this is going_ , _it's working very well in your favor_. 

Clark Kent and Superman were warring with each other inside him, and neither was winning. Superman wanted to scan the castle for the switch that would set off the explosions, hoping it might be here somewhere so he could deactivate it somehow. Clark Kent wanted nothing more than to sink down onto the leather sofa and lose himself in memories of heated embraces, wet kisses, slick erections. One action would possibly save his loved ones from danger; the other would almost surely defeat any resolve he might have to finally put an end to Lex Luthor's tyranny. _Dammit_ , _Lex_ , *you know I can't argue with sexual persuasion*; _I've never been able to with you_. 

He didn't remember making a conscious decision, but couldn't fight the embrace of the leather as it enfolded him in its softness. He put his feet up on the arm of the couch and settled in to watch the movie that was beginning to play in his head. Lex was wearing that shimmery plum shirt that he saved for special occasions, and his soft voice floated up into Clark's bowed face... 

* * *

"Clark, will you marry me?" 

Clark couldn't move, suddenly couldn't even breathe as he stared down at Lex. Did he hear that right? "Lex...WHAT?!?!?!?!?" 

"I mean it, Clark. I know that we aren't able to be open about it, but...gay couples have been married before, it's not a new idea. It's just..." a pause as Lex contemplated how best to word it, "a way to show our love to each other; our commitment. We could fly to Las Vegas this weekend and just...do it," he finished softly. 

Clark sat in the corner of the plush leather sofa with a stunned look on his face. He tried to speak again, but no words made it from his brain to his mouth. He was finally able to shake his head slowly, but any further show of understanding was impossible. 

Lex's face immediately shut down, losing all signs of hope in its transfer to the familiar mask of indifference. He nodded toward the carpet and released his gentle hold on Clark's left hand, which dropped slowly onto Clark's denim-clad knee. Standing up and turning his back on Clark, he cleared his throat in an attempt to regain some sort of composure. "I understand, Clark. Sometimes I forget how deeply ingrained your morals are. I'm sure your father would never approve anyway. You may be a grown man, but twenty-one is still too young to make a life-long decision." 

"Lex, I--" 

"No, Clark, never mind. Forget I mentioned it." Lex walked slowly to the bar across from his massive desk and lifted a crystal bottle with a shaky hand. "I know we can't just pretend this never happened, but can we at least try?" 

Clark was again surprised, but this time at the pleading he heard in his lover's voice. Lex had obviously never been so completely humiliated in his life, and it gave Clark an absurd sense of satisfaction that he'd been the one to bring it about; no one affected Lex like he did, that much was certain. With a sly grin on his face, he answered, "No. We can't." 

Lex's back was still to Clark as he gulped down the whisky in two big swallows. He hung his head and set the glass down loudly on the bar. "Please, Clark. I'm sorry I mentioned it...I just...I don't know where the idea came from...I know it was silly...it's not like we need rings and a piece of paper, but...I just thought..." 

Throughout the babbling Clark had been moving silently across the carpet toward Lex. He stopped just behind him, leaving mere inches between them. "Are there rings, Lex?" he whispered against his lover's neck. 

Lex jumped at the sound of Clark's voice, so close to him and so seductive. Now it was his turn to stop breathing as Clark's large hands settled gently on his shoulders. "Lex, I never said 'no', did I? If you'd just given me a chance to digest what you were saying before assuming the worst, you'd know that I was going to say 'Yes'. That's your biggest problem, you know that? You always assume the worst about yourself." Clark could hear Lex's heartbeat, quick and erratic as it always was when he stood this close to Lex. He knew that he held a strange power over Lex, but he understood it no more than he understood the power that Lex held over him. Neither of them tried to explain it anymore; it was just there. 

Lex slowly turned around and gazed into Clark's eyes in disbelief. Clark couldn't help thinking he looked like a child who'd snuck out on Christmas Eve to see Santa Claus eating the milk and cookies left for him. He smiled tenderly and kissed Lex on the tip of his nose. "Yes," he whispered. 

Lex would have slid to the ground if Clark's arms hadn't closed around him at that moment; his body was complete jelly. "You mean it?" he rasped, not daring to hope. 

Clark leaned down and fastened his lips over Lex's mouth, slowly gliding his tongue over Lex's lips until they parted with a soft moan. As Clark's kiss deepened, Lex began to respond; softly at first, then with desperate urgency as his tongue locked with Clark's in a fencing duel. After a time the heat melted into sweetness, the kiss into tender passion, and Clark pulled his head up to see Lex's eyes closed in contentment. "I love you," he whispered with a smile. 

"I love you, Clark," Lex answered with a small smile of his own. "You really mean it?" 

Clark's silly grin would've been answer enough, but he said, "Yes, I mean it. Like I could ever say 'no' to you. You even got down on one knee for me; that's pretty impressive, Lex." 

"Well, it isn't the first time I've been on my knees for you, Beautiful," Lex retorted with a wicked gleam in his eye. "It certainly won't be my last." 

"Better not be," Clark smirked. A thought occurred to him. "Hey, are there really rings?" 

Lex rolled his eyes at Clark's excitement. "Yes, Silly, there are rings." He reached into his pocket and brought out a dark blue velvet ring box. "I considered gold, but I know you prefer silver, so I compromised with white gold. Besides, I didn't want something thoroughly ostentatious that would catch the eyes of the entire town. So I thought these would do." He opened the box and turned it toward Clark, whose eyes lit up at the sight. "You like?" 

"I like," he replied softly. "A lot. Which one's mine, the blue or the green?" he asked, referring to the tiny gemstones set in the plain silver bands. 

"Well, I've always thought of myself as a 'blue' person, so the sapphire represents me. The emerald represents you, for your eyes. I figured I would wear you, and you would wear me, so that we'll always have each other near." 

"Lex, you continually astound me with these moments of romance. Who knew you were such a softie?" Clark smiled. "Well, I guess I did know. One of the reasons I love you so much." He looked from the rings to Lex. "Well, since you asked, you have to do the honors." He held out his left hand to Lex. 

"Hey, we're not married yet, Kent. Are we doing Vegas this weekend or not?" 

"Yes, we can do Vegas. But can I just wear the ring now? Please?" he whined. "I can't wait." 

"Damn you, Clark, and damn your puppy-dog eyes, too. Here." He carefully pulled the sapphire ring out of its box. "Look, you have to read the inscription, too." He handed the ring to Clark, who squinted at the inside of the band. 

"'To Clark, out of...' Lex, I can't read this, it's too small," he complained, thinking that if he was having this much trouble with his super-vision, no one else could read it, either. 

"I did that intentionally, Clark, so that if they fall into the wrong hands..." he let the thought trail off. "Here," he said, holding out a pocket-sized magnifying glass. "As long as we know what it says, that's all that matters." 

Clark grabbed the magnifying glass and tried again. "Okay, this is better. 'To Clark, out of sight is never out of mind.'" Wow, I can't believe they fit all that in there." 

"Another advantage of tiny engraving," Lex replied with a smirk. "Mine is identical, except with my name instead of yours. It means--" 

"That no matter how far apart we are, we'll always be together in mind and spirit," Clark finished with a grin and slid the ring on his finger. "I like it." His face slowly fell. "Lex, if we're going to be married, there's something I need to tell you. About me." 

Lex had obviously foreseen this. "Clark, it's okay to have some secrets. If you're not comfortable talking about this..." 

"I don't want to keep this from you; we need to be open about everything, and--" 

"Hold that thought," Lex interrupted while slipping the other ring on his finger. "Let me just tell Mrs. Perry that we'll need a fancy celebration dinner tonight. If I don't tell her now, she'll start late, and we'll never eat." He kissed Clark lightly on the lips. "I'll be right back, and then we can talk about whatever you want." 

When Clark opened his eyes, Lex was gone. _He's almost as fast as I am_ , he thought with a smile. He looked down at his new ring with wonder, slowly trailing his finger over the blue gem. _I'm the luckiest guy in the world_. _I'm getting married_. _I can't believe this_. _Mom's going to be so excited_! _Dad...well_ , _he'll get over it_. _And Lionel_. _Well_ , *that's not my problem*, _Lex can handle him_. 

_But can Lex handle my secret_ , he thought with a stab of fear. _I know him_ , *and everything in his world has to be logical*; _this isn't logical_. *There's a limit to what one man can take*, _and I don't want to push him_. _Oh God_ , _what am I thinking_? _I can't tell Lex_! *He'll think I'm a freak*; *how could I possibly think someone would love me after knowing the truth*? _He wouldn't marry me_ , _wouldn't even love me if he knew_. *I can't stand the thought of losing him*, _of him looking at me with fear and disgust_. _Oh_ , _Lex_ , *this will never*-- 

The shrill ringing of Lex's cell phone interrupted his train of thought. Looking around the room, he spotted it on the desk and vaguely remembered Lex setting it down there before he proposed. _Proposed_. He still couldn't believe it, but now the idea was laced with apprehension of the inevitable. He would've ignored the phone had his mother not told him she'd call Lex if she needed to get in touch with Clark. It never occurred to Clark that it might be someone else on the phone, so he picked it up and pressed the "talk" button. "Hel--" 

Before he could finish the greeting a hushed voice bubbling over with excitement interrupted him. "Lex! Buddy, you are not going to believe this. You are one step closer to owning the Kent farm, my man! The bank finally decided to go ahead and sell you the property. They're just waiting for you to go down and sign the paperwork. That land is yours, buddy!" The man finally paused for his expected pat on the back. 

Clark stood frozen, not quite comprehending what he was hearing. All the blood had drained from his face and he was shaking. "Who is this?" he demanded. 

The phone remained silent in his hand. "WHO IS THIS?" he yelled, and wasn't even aware that the phone was being crushed in his hand as the ragged pieces of plastic fell to the carpet. Before he could stop himself, heat shot from his eyes; the drapes across the desk from him erupted into flames as the lasers touched them. The smell of smoke finally woke him from his rage and he immediately blew his cold breath toward the drapes to quell the flames, satisfied only when the gray linen was shiny with crusted ice. 

"Clark, what the hell was that?" 

Clark remained unmoving as Lex approached the drapes for a closer look. Lex reached out a hand to touch the ice with wonder. "Holy shit, Clark, what was that?" 

Clark struggled for calm, for composure, before answering quietly, "That, Lex, was my secret. When were you planning to tell me yours?" 

Lex stared at him in puzzlement. "My secret? Clark, what are you talking about? And how did you do that? Don't try to change the subject, I want to know everything! I knew this would be good!" The anticipation in his eyes was unmistakable, and it suddenly sickened Clark. 

"Your buddy called, Lex. The bank's waiting for you." Lex shook his head at Clark, not comprehending. "You can finally take control of the farm." He stared at Lex with smoldering steel, fighting with every ounce of restraint to keep the heat lasers from escaping again. 

Understanding dawned in Lex's eyes. His face crumpled. He suddenly couldn't seem to meet Clark's eyes. "Clark, you don't understand. I know what you're thinking, but it's not--" 

"It's not what it looks like, Lex? Do you know that every time someone says that, it's _exactly_ what it looks like? This time is no different. All these years, I trusted you! I thought you'd changed! But no, you apparently _have_ become your father. I just...you know that to hurt my family is worse than anything you could do to me, and you did it anyway. Jesus, I thought we had a chance. I thought you loved me. All this time...you just wanted the farm?" He waited a moment for Lex to jump in and defend himself, for him to say something, _anything_. But Lex just looked at Clark with a stunned expression. "I have nothing more to say to you." He walked toward the office door, not stopping when he heard Lex's voice. 

"Clark, please. Don't. Just listen to me, at least give me a chance to explain..." 

Clark could hear the desperation in Lex's voice, but didn't allow himself to look back. Feeling Lex's hand on his arm, he threw it off with such force that Lex stumbled backward. "Too late, Lex. And I was wrong. I do have a few things to say to you. One--don't ever fuck with my family again, Lex. If you do, I will make you suffer in ways your father never dreamed of. Two--don't tell anyone what you just saw; I'll make sure no one believes you and you get locked up in a psych ward that no amount of money can buy your way out of. And last--don't ever try to contact me again; you no longer exist in my world." 

Lex had never seen this side of Clark before but knew he meant every word he said. Without thinking, he reached again for Clark and screamed as his fingers were crushed in Clark's grip. Still he didn't stop, couldn't stop. Sobbing through his pain, he begged Clark to come back, just come back, don't leave me, I need you, I love you, you can't leave me, we belong together, just wait... 

He was still raving when Mrs. Perry found him an hour later, lying on the floor of his office with his bloody disfigured hand cradled on his chest. It would be almost a year before Lex was able to face the public again, almost two years before he returned to work. No amount of therapy could completely heal him, though; Lex Luthor had begun his slow descent into madness. 

* * *

"Shall I come back after your nap, Superman?" 

Clark was startled by the sarcastic voice that interrupted his ruminations but fought to keep his face neutral, his eyes closed; it wouldn't do to let Lex know that he'd caught Clark at a disadvantage. "Hello, Lex." 

The silence stretched as he waited for a response, but when none came he used his x-ray vision to find Lex standing behind the sofa, staring down at him with his mask of indifference firmly in place. He used the pause to take in Lex's appearance and was surprised to find Lex not in his usual business attire, but wearing a shiny button-down purple shirt and black slacks: the same outfit he'd worn when Clark had last been with him. _Of course_ , he thought, _the better to weaken you with_ , _my dear_. 

It wasn't going to work. He opened his eyes and looked up at Lex patiently, trying to read his thoughts. 

"Comfy?" Lex queried. 

"Actually, yes. I had forgotten how inviting this couch is." Clark slowly sat up and planted his red boots on the carpet, noting the dust they disturbed. "You've let the place go, Lex." 

"I apologize that I can't be more hospitable, but you arrived earlier than I expected." 

Clark sighed and stood, stretching his arms toward the ceiling to work out the kinks. Best to keep this neutral. "What's this about, Lex?" he asked, finally turning around to face his adversary. 

Lex raised his eyebrows in mock confusion. "What's wrong with inviting an old friend over for a chat, Clark? Oh wait, I'm sorry--you go by Superman now, don't you?" 

Neutrality went out the window. "Lex, what is it you want? You got me here with your mysterious summons and threats, please don't toy with me now that I'm here." 

"Why are you in such a hurry, Clark? Anxious to get this over with? If you think you can leave here and go on as if this meeting never happened, you're sadly mistaken. No, Clark, this time you're not running out on me. This time we're going to talk, and we're not finished until I say we're finished. Got that?" 

Clark sensed the anger simmering below Lex's calm demeanor, and was in no mood to push his luck. "Well, Lex, I guess I don't really have a choice in the matter, do I? I know you weren't bluffing; I saw the explosives you rigged." 

"Oh, you went down there? Tell me, Clark, did it bring back memories?" 

Clark was immediately assaulted with images from their first visit to the caverns together--the cave ceiling above him as Lex entered him for the first time, Lex's worried eyes as he asked if Clark was okay, the look of pure release and abandonment on Lex's face as he came inside Clark. He firmly pushed the visions back into his subconscious, but not before his face gave him away. 

"Ah, so you do remember, don't you, Clark?" Lex smirked and began inching around the couch and toward him. 

"Wait." Clark backed up a step and put his hand out as if to ward off a demon. "Lex, I don't understand what I'm doing here. What _you're_ doing here, for that matter. Please, just tell me what you want." Clark was now beginning to worry a little, wondering if Lex had become as unbalanced as the rumors hinted. 

"All in due time, my love. As I mentioned, you showed up earlier than I expected. I'm not exactly prepared, but please, have a seat. I'll be right back." He sauntered out the office door. 

Clark groaned in exasperation, wondering what to expect next. This obviously wasn't going to be as quick and painless as he'd hoped. *Should I have expected anything less from Lex Luthor*? he thought. 

Unwilling to be seated, he wandered toward the window to examine the drapery he himself had suggested to Lex for privacy, looking for some evidence of the damage he'd inflicted twenty years ago. He found the singed, ragged hole he'd burned into the curtain and sighed. Apparently this room hadn't changed since he left it, and he wondered what had occurred after his abrupt departure that day. Lex's agonized pleas had haunted his dreams every night since then; he hoped that today's rendezvous would provide the closure he needed to finally put the tortured memories to rest. 

"I wouldn't let the help repair the drapes. It was proof that I hadn't imagined it all, that you really did set them on fire with your mind." Lex sounded so casual, as if they were discussing the weather in China. 

"When did you move out of the castle for good?" Clark stared out the window, not yet ready to face Lex again. 

"I was taken out of here the day you left, and never returned; this is the first time I've set foot in here since that day, Clark." 

Clark steeled himself and turned to face Lex, who was seated comfortably on sofa. "If you're expecting an apology from me, you won't get it." 

"It's not an apology I'm looking for, Clark. I just want to talk." 

_How can he sit there and act like this is not a big deal_? *Maybe I'm reading too much into this*. "Lex, were you serious about the bombs? I mean, now that you've got me here, can you deactivate them or something? I'm assuming all that was just insurance so that I'd come. I'm here. Can you deactivate them now?" 

He was answered with a pitying smile from Lex. "You obviously underestimate me, Clark. I have no intention of deactivating anything until we're finished here." 

Clark saw that there was no way to go but forward. "Okay, so let's get started then. This is your game, your rules. Where do we start?" 

Lex stared at Clark for a long moment, his expression unreadable. "Promise you're not going to run out on me this time?" 

"Lex, I'm not going to risk the lives of my family and friends. I'm here until you say we're finished. As long as you promise me that if I go along with this, you won't hurt them." 

"Have I ever lied to you, Clark?" he asked, daring Clark to contradict him. 

"Answer me, Lex. Do you promise?" 

Lex stood up and moved toward Clark, never taking his eyes off Clark's gaze. Though Clark was tempted to back up again, he refused to show Lex any fear, and remained unmoving. His heart began to beat wildly when Lex was within two feet of him, and he silently cursed his body for betraying him. Lex stopped only inches away from Clark, and though Clark strained with his supersenses, he detected no erratic heartbeat from Lex; a steady thumping was all that greeted his ears. He was absurdly disappointed by this lack of reaction and hated himself for it. Lex moved his face toward Clark's as if to kiss him, and Clark didn't know whether to back up or lean forward. In the end, he did neither, but remained immobile, and felt Lex's breath on his neck as he whispered, "I promise." 

Clark closed his eyes and waited for Lex to make his next move; he'd promised. Expecting to feel warm, soft lips on his, he was confused when cool air greeted his face. He opened his eyes to see Lex walking toward the couch and breathed an inaudible sigh of relief tinged with disappointment. 

Lex bent to the floor to pick up a red duffel bag that Clark hadn't noticed before. Immediately fearing the worst, he tackled Lex to the sofa before he was able to touch the bag. Lex turned his head back toward Clark and chuckled. "Gee, Clark, if you wanted to fuck me you could've just asked." 

Clark didn't respond to the jibe but quickly picked up the bag, keeping Lex pinned underneath him. He felt Lex's body relax and slowly raised himself off the couch, watching as Lex flipped over onto his back and folded his arms behind his head with a smirk. 

Clark wasn't completely reassured and seated himself on the arm of the couch with his boots straddling Lex's legs, close enough to tackle Lex again if he showed signs of escaping. Seeing the mischievous glint in Lex's eyes, his lips curved into a slow smile, and he hated himself once again. _Why the hell am I smiling_? _This is ludicrous_. Still, he was absurdly pleased to see Lex return his expression of humor. 

"Brings back old memories, doesn't it, Clark? The two of us on this sofa, in this same position, me bracing myself for the moment of impact when you attack me with ardor. Ah, sweet memories." He closed his eyes in the pleasure of the moment. 

Clark just shook his head and turned his attention to the duffel bag sitting in his lap. "Is this going to explode if I open it? Should I move away from you?" 

"No, this is fine," Lex answered without opening his eyes. "There's no _physical_ danger in that bag; that much I promise you." 

"No physical, huh? I think I'm more afraid now," he joked, wondering when the tension had left his body. Lex was right; this really did feel like old times, and he'd have to be more alert. He was amazed to realize that he actually wasn't afraid anymore, but instead felt a sort of...tranquility?...peace?...contentment? How was that possible? He knew Lex was capable of harming his loved ones at any moment, yet that fact somehow seemed remote, distant from this room. Looking at Lex now, he saw the peace and contentment mirrored on Lex's face and wondered at the complexity of human emotions. Clark suddenly wanted nothing more than to throw himself on top of Lex and "attack him with ardor," as he had in the old days. 

Instead he focused on the zipper of the duffel bag, quickly pulling it open. His eyebrows knitted in confusion as he took in the sight of nothing more lethal than clothes of some sort. Pulling them out in a bundle, he became aware that what he held was in fact an outfit of faded denim blue jeans and a cornflower blue sweater, along with balled-up white socks. His mind struggled to grasp the significance of this, but Lex interrupted his thoughts. 

"You'll find shoes behind the couch. Let me know if you'd like me to leave while you change." 

"Lex, what is this?" 

"Well, I can't have a serious conversation with you while you're wearing that eyesore of a costume. Once you change, we'll continue." 

"How did you get these? I thought I burnt them that day, after I left you." In his mind's eye, Clark could clearly see the flames that engulfed his clothes that day, could easily remember the rage that moved him to literally rip the fabric from his body. 

"I may have an abundance of money, Clark, but even I'm not powerful enough to undo the effects of a fire. I had those made for today. Are they the way you remember them?" 

Just as quickly as the tension had left him, it returned to Clark. "What are you trying to do, Lex? I'm not putting these on," he stated with vehemence. 

Lex looked at him as he might a disobedient toddler. "Clark, didn't you promise to go along with my rules? We're not going any further until you put those clothes on." Once again, he was daring Clark to contradict him. 

"And if I refuse?" His eyebrows raised in question. 

Lex raised his own eyebrows in return. "What do you think?" 

Sighing, Clark got up off the couch and walked behind it. Sure enough, his grungy tan work boots were sitting on the carpet. He picked them up and rested them on the back of the sofa for a closer inspection. 

"Those I didn't have to customize. I snuck into the barn one night and came across boxes of your old clothing. I assume your parents use the loft for storage now." 

"You snuck into the barn? Why?" 

"I'm not sure, to be honest. It was a few years ago, and I was having what my therapist calls 'one of my bad nights.' I couldn't sleep and I was horribly depressed, and the loft has always been one of my favorite places, so I went there. It certainly didn't do me any good; I left even more depressed than when I'd arrived. I did find the boots, though, and brought them home with me." He held up a hand before Clark could speak. "Don't ask me why, I don't know. Well, I didn't then, anyway." 

Clark bit his lip in thought. "And now?" 

Lex looked up at him and licked his lips before answering. "Isn't it obvious, Clark? This moment. This is why I brought them home." 

"How long have you been planning this, Lex?" 

He shrugged as if bored. "Who knows? Maybe the idea started that night. It doesn't matter, does it? As you said, you're here. Why don't we get going, hmm?" He nodded toward the clothes in Clark's hands. 

Clark tried one more time. "You know, Lex, if you're thinking that it's this costume that gives me superpowers, you're wrong. I'm just as strong in regular clothes as I am in this, so if you're trying to weaken me that way, it won't work." 

Another pitying smile, one that Lex usually shared with his business colleagues right before he dropped the hammer on them. "Clark, it's not Superman I invited here today. It's you. It's you I want to talk to, you I want to deal with. So please, just do what I'm asking." Satisfied that Clark would obey, Lex closed his eyes. "Let me know when you're ready, Clark." 

Once again, Clark saw that he had no choice but to play along. He walked around the couch and laid the clothes on top of the desk. Relieved to find that Lex still had his eyes shut, he superspeeded through the motions and was dressed in his "old" clothing in five seconds. A perfect fit, of course. He stored his costume in the duffel bag he'd left behind the couch and took a deep breath in an attempt to prepare himself for whatever Lex had in mind. _Maybe he_ does _just want to talk_. _But about what_? *Am I ready for this*? 

He approached the sofa and nudged Lex's feet to get his attention. "I'm ready." 

"Good. Have a seat." Lex raised himself and set his feet on the floor, making room for Clark to sit beside him. Noticing Clark's hesitation, he said, "Don't be afraid. I'm not hiding any kryptonite, I promise. I meant what I said, Clark; I just want to talk." 

Clark bit his lip and stared at Lex as if his x-ray vision would show him Lex's thoughts. Lex chuckled and held his hand out to Clark. "Come on, Beautiful, I won't bite unless you ask me to." 

After another brief hesitation Clark accepted Lex's hand and settled next to him on the couch. He turned sideways and leaned into the arm so that he could watch Lex as they talked. Lex did likewise, and Clark was once again reminded of long ago. If it wasn't for the castle's state of disrepair and the fact that both men had aged, Clark could easily believe that the ten years hadn't passed, that this was the day Lex proposed to him. On the heels of that thought came the memory of the phone call that had torn his world apart; that was good, as it brought anger welling up in Clark, and that anger would keep him alert. He stared at Lex and waited. 

Lex suddenly seemed shy. "I'm not sure where to start. I planned this for so long; now that it's here, I'm doubting my wisdom in bringing it about." 

Clark crushed down his mounting frustration and tried to help. "What is it you want to talk about?" 

Lex raised his eyes to Clark's. "Us. Our past, our present...our future." 

Clark almost laughed. "You think we have a future?" 

"Of course we do," Lex replied in that patronizing tone that made Clark itch to strangle him. "We're destined to be together, Clark. Whether as friends or as enemies is up to us." 

Clark was momentarily dumbfounded, but shook it off and stood up. "Are you insane?" he asked, immediately regretting his choice of words. He turned away from Lex, hoping he hadn't set him off. 

There was no reason to worry, though; Lex merely smirked. "I see you've heard the rumors. You believe them, then?" 

Clark began to pace before the sofa, refusing to look at Lex. "I don't want to, but I'm beginning to wonder. You torment me with harassing messages on my answering machine, you bring misery to my friends and family, you track my every movement-- and don't deny it, I know you do--and you threaten me to get me here. Now, after all that, you think we have a future together? And as friends?" He stopped pacing and stared at Lex. "I think you _must_ be mad. There's no other explanation for your behavior." 

"Clark, please sit back down so we can have a discussion like two civilized adults." 

Clark snorted, "This is civilized?" His outrage was bubbling near the surface, and he made no effort to bury it. "Lex, this is insane! We're wearing clothes that are ten years old in a mansion that hasn't been touched in as many years, and lives hang in the balance! All because you think we have a future together! What the hell do you want from me, Lex?" His eyes pleaded with Lex for an explanation, something that would validate his act of giving in to the one man he'd sworn to avoid at all costs. 

"Answers. I want answers, Clark." 

Clark was taken aback by the bitterness in Lex's voice. "Oh, finally some emotion from you. Now we're getting somewhere." He returned to his seat on the sofa. 

Lex hated Clark at that moment; it showed in the steely glare. "I want us to go back ten years. You're not leaving me bleeding on the floor this time; you're not even leaving the room. You've just told me that I 'don't exist in your world'. We're going back to that moment before I lost myself completely, before I was shattered and broken. I'm grabbing your arm to stop you, but this time, you stop. You allow me to lead you back to the sofa, where we can discuss this calmly." 

"In other words, where you have control of the situation." Clark felt Lex's loathing once again, but waited for him to gain control of his features before pressing on. "You want to control the outcome this time, and you're willing to destroy everything that I care about to make sure it happens the way you want it. What are you going to do, keep me by your side forever, using the bombs as blackmail if I try to escape?" 

The mockery in Clark's voice grated on Lex. "No, Clark. I don't want to control you, though I will keep you here until we finish." 

"And we're not finished until I say what you want to hear? Until I agree to your demands, whatever they may be?" 

"Stop mocking me!" Lex stood up now and walked toward the desk. Clark saw his shoulders heave as he breathed deeply in an effort to control his emotions. He looked out the window. "Look at all this, Clark. It's all ruined and dead. This was supposed to be our home, the one place we could hide away from the world and just be together. Look at it now." 

"Lex, don't fool yourself. After college I would have stayed in Metropolis and worked for the _Daily Planet_ , whether we were together or not. You would've lived there as well, controlling everything and everyone you could. I doubt things would be much different now if we'd stayed together," Clark said, choosing to ignore the vision he'd had earlier of them supping together happily each night. 

Lex turned around and braced himself against the desk. "Everything would be different, Clark. I'd be a happy man, that's for damn sure. It's possible that we would live in Metropolis, that I would have made the same business choices. Things would be different, though, between _us_." 

Clark hardened himself. "You can't blame me for that, Lex. You were the one who caused the separation. You betrayed me." 

Lex cocked his head. "Is that so?" 

"Oh, don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. I know what you were trying to do." 

Lex nodded slowly. "Yes, you know. However, you never bothered to find out why I was buying the farm, did you? And as long as we're on the discussion of betrayal, why don't you explain to me how you managed to share my bed for five years without even once mentioning that you're an alien? You don't consider that a betrayal?" 

Clark caught his breath. As a matter of fact, no, he hadn't ever considered that. "But I was going to tell you, remember? I told you I needed to tell you something, but you left before I could, and by the time you got back..." He trailed off into silence. 

"Right, Clark. By the time I got back, you'd discovered that I was the big bad wolf. Lucky for you, wasn't it? You didn't have to tell me after all, didn't have to deal with my rejection. You did the rejecting for me. Did that make it easier, Clark, to leave me before I could leave you?" 

"Oh, is that what's bothering you? That you were the one dumped? Things didn't go according to your Big Plan, the one where you had control and kept me around until you were tired of me? I beat you to it, Lex." 

"You know damn well that doesn't matter to me. If I was that shallow, you never would have loved me. Do you know what _does_ matter to me, Clark? That you're a coward. Superman, brave enough to take on the forces of nature, brave enough to stop evil in all its forms...but too chickenshit to tell his boyfriend that he's not human. You're a coward, Clark, and you've avoided me all this time because I know that. You can't face me because I know you too well." 

"You don't know shit about me, Lex!" Clark shouted and stood up, finally over the edge. "You think having me followed is knowing me? You think calling me every day is knowing me? You're wrong, you know nothing about me!" 

"I knew enough about you to get you here, didn't I?" 

Clark halted and closed his eyes. Yes, Lex did know him, and Clark despised him for it. He forced himself to sit down again. "This is getting us nowhere, Lex. Unless this is exactly what you wanted?" He questioned Lex with his eyes. 

"Somewhat, yes. This is what we needed to do that day. Running away from it didn't erase the problem, Clark, or the feelings. I imagine that you've been bottled up as much as I have, that you wanted this reunion as well; if not, you wouldn't be here." 

"Lex, I told you, I'm only here because you left me no choice. I won't risk losing everyone I love." 

Lex moved slowly toward the couch and knelt between Clark's legs, easing back on his heels to look up into troubled eyes. "Clark," he whispered, "you're here because you love me. That's all." He watched the tears form under black brows as Clark shook his head. "Yes, Clark. That's why. If you weren't so damn wound up about me, you would've noticed that I was lying. You would've looked inside the bombs and realized that the casings are empty." He said this gently, in a soothing manner. 

Clark stilled. His brain was overwhelmed with the inability to comprehend what he was hearing. "No, Lex, you're wrong. I saw them myself, I saw the bombs you put down there, I--" 

"Shh," Lex whispered. "They're fake, Clark. I was hoping you wouldn't notice that, and you didn't. How did you get so close to them without seeing inside them? You were right there, you know you could've deactivated them yourself, even if they were real." 

"I wasn't down there, Lex. I just...looked...as I was flying over. I thought you might be lying, but they were there, and I...I was so sure you'd do it." The tears flowed freely now that the threat was no longer real. "You son of a bitch," he sobbed, but with agony rather than heat. 

Lex nodded and pulled Clark into his embrace. "I deserve that, and much more, I'm sure. I'm sorry I frightened you, but I knew it was the only way to make you face this; to face _me_. I've tried for the past eight years to draw you out, but nothing I did seemed to touch you deeply enough to confront me." 

Speaking into Lex's shoulder, Clark said, "Everything touched me, Lex. I knew you were just doing it to hurt me, and I didn't want you to know it was working. So I only interfered when someone was in physical danger." 

Lex pulled back and looked into Clark's eyes. "I never hurt anyone, Clark." 

"But you did; you hurt their pride. You bought out so many farms and businesses, then raised the payments until there was no choice but to foreclose. Because of you, a lot of families were forced to leave Smallville. I knew why you were doing it, but I didn't know how to make you stop. At least when you threatened to harm people I was able to do something about it. That's when Superman happened." 

"I hope you know that I never would have gone through with any of it. I wouldn't really hurt anyone." 

"Lex, I didn't know anything. All I knew was that you'd been in a psych ward for a year, then hidden yourself away for another year. Everyone said you had gone crazy, but your father made sure no one found out the truth." 

"Ah," Lex sighed. "I had gone crazy, Clark. I was so sure you'd come to me when you realized that I needed you, that I was in my darkest hour. But you didn't. When I finally realized that you'd moved on, I became obsessed with bringing you back to me, but I knew that I couldn't make you. I spent that last year in hiding dreaming up ways to make you love me again." 

Clark sat back against the couch and pulled Lex up to sit beside him. "Okay, you wanted to talk about all this, let's do it. I'm ready to listen." 

"I want you to talk as well as listen. I have a multitude of questions." 

"You would," Clark smirked tiredly. He was emotionally and physically drained, and didn't care anymore if his defenses were down. He was confident that his loved ones were out of danger, and that was all that mattered to him. He relaxed into the arm of the couch once again and lifted his legs up to rest on Lex's lap. He smiled at the expression of surprise on Lex's face. "Don't worry, I won't bite unless you ask me to." 

Lex had the decency to look chagrined, but countered, "Don't tempt me, Beautiful." 

"Do you realize how crazy this is, Lex? I mean, really. I'm practically sleeping with the enemy here, the man who was going to destroy everything I love. Why the hell am I still here?" Though the question was a prudent one, his face showed only mild curiosity. 

"I told you, Kent. Because you love me." Lex turned his body so that he was facing Clark and pulled Clark's feet back onto his lap. 

"How do you do it, Lex?" Clark was suddenly mystified. "How can you make me feel like nothing's changed between us? So much has happened over the past ten years. Yet sitting here with you, I remember everything so clearly; every word, every touch, every moment of our relationship. It's like we're still kids." 

"That was my intent, Clark. I wanted you in that frame of mind so that you'd remember how you felt that day." 

"Lex, I never forgot. I did push it out of my mind; it was the only way I could cope without you. I buried it so that I didn't have to face it for the rest of my life." 

"You ran away?" It was spoken lightly, but Clark heard the accusation behind the soft voice. 

He looked down at his hands. "I suppose you could say that." 

Lex nodded knowingly and crossed his arms over his chest. "Okay, I do want to address the past ten years, but for the moment let's go back to that last day together. I came back in the room and was shocked to see the drapes go up in flames; even more shocked that you were able to blow out the fire with your breath. I understand all that now, more or less. We'll get to that. You had discovered my intention to buy the farm. Before that phone call, what were you thinking about?" 

"You know what, Lex. I was going to tell you about my powers and my true origins." 

"Right. I imagine you were scared?" 

Clark nodded slightly. "Yes." 

"Why?" 

Still speaking to his hands, Clark replied, "I was afraid you would find me disgusting and horrible." 

"And?" 

Clark looked up. "And what? Isn't that enough?" 

"Apparently it was for you." Lex shifted in the seat, bringing his own legs up under Clark's. "Do you remember what you said about me that day? When I thought you were turning down my marriage proposal?" 

Clark thought back. "I think I said that you always assume the worst about yourself. Something like that." 

Lex smiled. " _Exactly_ like that. You did the same, assumed the worst, that I'd be repulsed and afraid of you. Did you not have enough faith in my love to trust me? And why didn't you tell me sooner?" 

Clark sighed. "I always wanted to. I mean, before we even became lovers I wanted you to know; you were my best friend. My parents forbade me to tell anyone until I was eighteen. They figured that I would be more wise at that age, I suppose." He grinned. "If they'd known that at eighteen I'd be sleeping with you, they might have revised that plan." 

Lex's eyes twinkled mischievously. "Good point. So you couldn't tell me or anyone else." He paused for a moment. "So why did Pete know?" 

"Lex, I had to tell him." 

"You _had_ to?" 

Clark looked at Lex more closely. "You're jealous, aren't you?" 

"Damn right I'm jealous. Here I thought I was your best friend, and Pete just a school chum. Yet he knows your biggest secret and I don't?" 

"Lex, you never forced me to tell you. Pete...he was immature in some ways. He thought I stole something from him, and I was about to lose his friendship, so I told him everything. It was the only way to keep him. You were different, a good enough friend to allow me privacy. I know you suspected things, far more than Pete ever did, but you didn't push it too far. I appreciated that more than you know, Lex." 

"Yeah, sure, decency gets you nowhere in this world. My father taught me that one early; I should've listened to him on that point." He sighed. "Okay, so you turned eighteen, and by that time we'd been lovers for almost two years. It was your decision to make, and you chose not to tell me. Why?" 

Clark looked around the room as if to pull an answer out of thin air. When nothing came to him, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. "It's hard to explain, Lex." 

"We've got all day, Clark, and I want answers. Why didn't you tell me? Were you really that sure I'd abandon you?" 

"Lex...you know that you were the most important thing in my life, right? I never hid the fact that I loved you, that you were more than just a lover to me." 

Lex nodded. "Yes." 

"I was sixteen when we became more than friends. Over the next two years, we shared a physical relationship and a strong friendship. When I turned eighteen I knew that I was free to tell you everything. I wanted to, but I was still a little unsure of where our relationship was heading. You had never once told me that you loved me." 

"Clark, I didn't think I had to. I showed you every way I knew how--" 

"I know, Lex," Clark interrupted. "I understood that later, but at the time I wondered why you never actually said it. I thought maybe you didn't actually love me, but you needed someone because you were all alone in Smallville. I kept waiting for the day you would tell me you were moving back to Metropolis to expand Lexcorp." 

"I controlled everything from Smallville. I had no need to move to Metropolis." 

"I decided to wait until I went off to college," Clark continued, ignoring Lex's comment. "Once I knew what you were planning to do, I could make my decision. Do you remember how often I was at the mansion that summer? I practically lived here, and that's when my parents figured out what was going on between us. I listened to my father's unending lectures about you, about what a mistake it would be to tell you everything. Since I was a bit unsure myself, his arguments made more sense than they should have." 

"So you didn't trust me." Lex's wounded expression dug into Clark's heart. 

"I just wasn't sure. I thought that once I moved into the dorms at MU, we'd grow apart and you'd find someone to replace me. I treasured every second we spent together that summer because I thought it might end in September." 

"Okay, I can understand that, I suppose. But then I told you I was planning to stay at the penthouse every weekend so we could spend time together. Didn't that prove to you that I wanted our relationship to continue?" 

Clark looked away from Lex. "I didn't think that would last. I figured you'd eventually start making excuses about why you couldn't come to Metropolis for the weekend. And...well..." he blushed. 

Lex raised his eyebrows, waiting for Clark to continue. "And?" 

"Well, you were such a horndog. Sorry for the expression, but I don't know how else to describe it. You needed sex often, and I knew that waiting till the weekends was killing you." 

Lex chuckled and licked his lips. "I can't deny that. There were those times I surprised you during the week. You skipped more than a few classes to satisfy my needs." 

"Exactly! I was so sure you'd find someone to take my place. And I didn't want to tell you my secret if it wasn't going to last." 

"But Clark, there's something you never understood about my sexual appetite." 

"That you could never get enough?" he teased. "I knew that." 

"No, Clark," Lex answered tenderly. "As true as that may be, you never realized that it wasn't the sex I needed; it was _you_. I could never get close enough to you. I could devour your body with my mouth and possess you with my manhood, but what I craved most was to possess your soul the way you possessed mine. I wanted to make sure you could never forget me, that no one could ever make you feel the way I could. I wanted to make sure you couldn't live without me because I knew I could never live without you." 

Clark again felt that he couldn't breathe as his body betrayed him with heat that rose from his groin to his face in a wave of desire. His fingers dug into his thighs as his balls began to ache in a way they hadn't in ten years. His eyes pleaded with Lex to do something, say something, anything to end the agonized moment. 

Lex took Clark's hands into his own and caressed them with his thumbs, but was unwilling to pursue the question in Clark's eyes. "So you thought I was using you? That I would end it eventually?" 

Clark could only nod. 

"I'm sorry if I ever gave you the impression that I didn't love you. I was terrified that you would find a girl at the university and start making excuses of your own. That one weekend you called and said you were coming here instead of me going out there, I thought you were going to end it. I thought you were coming to tell me it was over." 

"No, I just missed my parents. That's all, I promise." Clark smiled at him. 

"I know that now, but let me tell you, that entire week my staff kept their distance when they could. They knew I was wired taut, and I think I fired four people for petty mistakes. Of course, I hired them all back on Monday when I realized I'd acted insanely." 

Clark grinned and squeezed Lex's hands. "I remember that. My mom called me and asked me if we'd had a fight because you were acting so weird." 

"Love does strange things to us, Clark. I should have told you that I loved you and that I wanted it to be forever. But you were still growing and changing and you hadn't experienced anything but me. I was afraid you would sample the opposite sex and decide you liked it better. For that reason I didn't bare my soul to you; a Luthor must keep his pride above all things." 

Clark turned thoughtful. "So all that time we both wanted to become serious, but because neither of us admitted it we remained casual?" 

"I wouldn't say we were 'casual', Clark," Lex said. "We were extremely devoted to each other from the beginning. Nothing we did was casual. I think the fear we shared was that it would _become_ casual, and for that reason, neither of us was willing to open up completely." 

"Until you asked me to marry you." 

"Yes." Lex looked embarrassed for a moment, then regained his composure. "By that time we'd been together five years and you were heading toward graduation from the university. I'm not sure what finally convinced me, but our relationship had never faltered or slowed, and I knew that if it hadn't ended by then, it wouldn't. I felt it was time to take it to the next step. As my father liked to say, 'Shit or get off the pot.'" Lex smiled. 

"Your dad said that? Doesn't sound very Lionel Luthor!" Clark laughed. 

"No, I think he must've picked it up while living in Smallville." 

Clark shook his head in wonder. "That's so unlike him." His expression turned serious. "That day, that was the first time you ever told me that you loved me. I said it first, and then you answered." 

"Yes. I had finally let down all my walls, all my boundaries, and signed my life over to you." He paused. "And you crushed it." 

Clark closed his eyes as his heart plummeted to his stomach. He fought the guilt that was creeping up on him, telling himself that it was Lex who should feel guilty. "You were going to buy the farm and turn it into another business venture. I couldn't allow you to do that, Lex." 

"Of course not, Clark, you had every right to fight me on that. _If_ that had been my plan." 

"Oh come on, Lex, what the hell else would you have done with it?" Clark threw Lex's hands back toward him and crossed his arms over his chest. 

Lex smirked. "You're going to feel like such a jackass, Kent." This was met with a look of disgust from hazel eyes. Lex leaned across their entangled legs and looked like he was about to divulge the secrets of the universe. "I was going to present your father with the deed to the property so that they'd never have to pay another dime on it." 

Clark was stunned. "You're lying," he whispered. 

"No." 

Clark's throat constricted and he swallowed convulsively, his eyes bugging out of his skull. "Yes! Yes, you are!" He moved to stand but allowed Lex to grab his hands and keep him anchored on the sofa. "You're crazy! Why would you do that?" 

Lex looked at Clark as if he'd spoken a foreign language. "Why would I do that? Why wouldn't I? God, those people were like family to me and I couldn't stand to watch them struggle anymore! Your father never liked me, but he was kind and decent enough to accept me into his home and into his family because you loved me. It was the least I could do to repay them for giving me such joy, for giving me the gift of Clark Kent, the most beautiful and loving being ever to grace this planet." 

Clark didn't want to hear this. "Oh, stop that, Lex. I'm serious. Why did you really want it? Did you hope to hold it over their heads, to lord it over them like some sick tyrant?" 

Lex looked down at their entwined hands and smiled. "You can't stand the fact that I'm not a monster, that I'm at least somewhat sane. It doesn't mesh with your fixed idea of me as the bad guy. Newsflash, Kent, I have a good side." 

Clark finally wrenched his hands away from Lex and stood up. He walked to the window and stood staring out, running his hands through his black mane. *What the hell is wrong with me*? _This is Lex Luthor_ , _new and improved_ , _not the man I knew ten years ago_! He took a deep breath to steady himself and turned around to face his nemesis. 

"You're good. You had me going for awhile there. Your plan was working well; I fell back into the old ways more quickly than even you probably expected. Lex, I did love you. I no longer do. I suppose that if I walk out of here right now you'll continue your antics and find ways to make Smallville suffer. That's a chance I'll have to take, because this is getting us nowhere." He took in Lex's mask of indifference and shook his head. "I'm leaving." He walked toward the couch, intent on grabbing the duffel bag. 

"You're not leaving." The voice was calm and serious, but Clark didn't stop. "No one walks away from me." 

Clark remained silent and picked up the duffel bag. As he neared the door, he called back, "I did it once, Lex. I'll do it again." 

"NO!" This time Clark did stop. His body became riddled with chills and he shuddered. He'd never heard Lex like this before; never heard anyone like this before. It was the sound of a madman, of a monster who had finally been pushed over the edge. Afraid to look back, though he knew he must, Clark slowly spun around. 

Lex stood in front of the sofa. His fists were clenched at his sides, his body shaking in outrage. His chest heaved with soundless sobs and his eyes had darkened to a gray storm. Spittle flew from his mouth as he screamed, "Get back here!" 

Clark froze, the bag falling from his grasp. He'd faced many dangerous adversaries and taken frightening risks, but had never been so afraid. This wasn't Lex, at least not one he'd seen before. Facing this nightmare, he was tempted to don his caped outfit if only for the courage it bestowed upon him. He stood rooted in his place, not sure whether to superspeed away while he could or to rush forward to take down the monster. His brain refused to think of the monster as "Lex." 

"You're not leaving! I still have the detonator for those bombs, so don't even think about it!" The monster reached into the pocket of his trousers and retrieved a small black box made of what appeared to be plastic. He held it out toward Clark. 

Confusion swamped Clark's mind. "You said it was fake. The bombs were fake." 

The monster slowly became Lex again. His shaking abated and the shallow gasps deepened into normal breathing. Only the storm remained in Lex's eyes, perhaps as a reminder that at any moment the beast could return. He spoke two words with a smug smile. "I lied." 

At this point, Clark almost lost his control. What was truth, what was a lie? Who was Lex, who was a monster? Who was he, Clark Kent or Superman? He wanted to fall to the ground and cry until his mother came and gathered him up in her soothing embrace, telling him everything was alright, everything would be fine. Tears sprang to his eyes and he closed them, willing his lips to stop trembling. When he had gained a bit of composure, he looked at Lex. "I don't know what to believe anymore, Lex. What's a lie, what's not? How do I know?" 

"You don't know, Kent. That's what keeps the game interesting, what keeps you under my thumb. Come back and sit down. Let's talk." 

Clark shook his head numbly. "No, Lex. I don't want to talk anymore. I just want this to end. I don't want to see what you've become. It hurts me." 

"It hurts you? The truth hurts, Clark? I thought Superman was all about truth, justice, the American way? Not everything is black and white, good and evil, Clark. This is me, this is what I am. This is what you created." 

"No, Lex, that's what your father created. I tried to save you from it, but I couldn't. I thought I'd succeeded. You seemed so happy for awhile. I thought we could actually get married and live happily ever after. It was all a lie." 

"You've been reading too many fairy tales, Clark. There is no happily ever after. I lost my mind to you. I lost myself to you, allowed myself to believe in someone. I let you possess me. And this is what it did to me. What you just saw, that part of me you're so afraid of? It's real. It's honest. It's what was left of me after you ripped apart my world." Though his voice was soft, his eyes glowed with anger. 

"So all this time you've blamed me for your failings? You blame me because you became a more intense version of your father, of the man you swore you'd never be? You did it yourself, Lex, and the first step was trying to buy my father out." 

Lex raised his eyebrows in amusement. "You still think that was my goal? Why is it so difficult for you to believe that I had good intentions? Why are you so set on me being the bad guy?" 

"You even have to ask? Look at the way you've behaved since I left, Lex! Look at all you've done to this town! You bought out every farm and property you could get your hands on and forced the residents out of town! Look at Pete, and Chloe, and all those other families you uprooted! Why did you do it, Lex? Why did you make them all leave?" Clark stared at Lex, trying to understand. 

"Because that's what businessmen do, Clark. We buy land and then sell it to the highest bidder. Are you saying you don't like the shopping centers that were built?" 

Clark wanted to strangle Lex. "You know what I'm saying. Those families worked hard to keep what they had. Then you suddenly started buying up all the land and raising payments. Those people were my friends!" 

Lex looked thoughtful for a moment. "Oh, were they? I hadn't realized." He smirked and turned back toward the couch. The black box had disappeared. 

"Damn you, Lex! My father was right. I knew it, but I didn't want to believe it. You really did do it all to get to me. You cared nothing for the suffering that those people went through. You just wanted to hurt me!" 

"One thing I learned early on, Clark. The best way to get to you is to go around you. I could've made your life hell, but it wouldn't have had near the effect on you that making everyone else's life hell did." He lowered himself to the sofa and waited for Clark's reply. 

Clark began pacing again. "I can't believe I even showed up here today. I knew it would be useless to try to talk some sense into you. I should've stayed away." 

"Probably. But then you might've caused a lot of deaths, and we know you can't handle guilt. Just look at the way you react to the idea that I had good intentions toward your parents and that farm. If that was true, then all this would be your fault, wouldn't it? The buyouts, the shopping centers, the misery. If only you'd stopped long enough to listen to me, to let me prove my intentions, then we wouldn't be here right now. Or rather, we would, but I'd be sane and we'd both be naked." He smiled at Clark, who'd stopped pacing to stare at him. 

"Don't blame your twisted past on me, Lex Luthor. It won't work." 

"But it already has, Clark! You're here, not because of your fear for Smallville. I already told you, if that was the case, you'd have noticed that the bombs were fake. You needed to come here--" 

"Wait." Clark shook his head and rubbed his eyes in exasperation. "Now they're fake again? This is crazy." 

"As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, you needed to come here to satisfy your curiosity, both about me and your feelings about me. You can't stand loving me, you want to hate me, but you've never been able to. Am I right?" He looked at Clark expectantly. 

Clark made a decision. This had to end. He moved back to the couch and sat down across from Lex, placing his hands on Lex's shoulders. Pulling Lex's face toward his, he stopped when their lips were less than an inch apart. He looked into Lex's eyes and prepared to lie more convincingly than he ever had in his life. "Lex Luthor, I do not love you. You disgust me and repulse me, and I wish I'd let you die that day." At least the disgust and repulsion parts were true. 

Lex stopped breathing. He seemed to melt away from Clark and his body slumped against the arm of the couch. Clark had never seen so much agony in one person's eyes before and was ashamed that he'd been the one to cause it, but knew there was no other way. He had to convince Lex this was true, and knew immediately how to do it. He gathered Lex against his chest and smoothed his hands over his back comfortingly. "I'm sorry, Lex," he whispered. "It's over." He felt Lex's tears through his sweater and hated himself. 

Lex began to shiver in his arms and he embraced him tighter, no longer pretending to be sorry as Lex's sobs became loud and hoarse. He became aware that Lex was mumbling, trying to say something, and pulled back to look at him. "What, Lex?" 

Lex wouldn't look at him but brought his hands up to cover his face. He mumbled again, and Clark gently pulled his hands away. "What?" he repeated softly. 

"I hate you," Lex whispered. Clark made out the words and felt as if his world had fallen away from him. It hurt because Clark knew it was true. Clark had finally found the way into Lex's heart, but had shattered his own in the process. Telling himself there was no other way, he pushed on. "I know. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. You wanted answers. I don't love you anymore, and it's time we moved on with our lives." He leaned back against the sofa and waited for Lex to compose himself, as he did in every situation. 

Lex showed no signs of composing, however. He just lay on the couch and stared intensely at Clark through his tears. Clark couldn't meet his eyes and looked around the room, willing Lex to bounce back to his sarcastic self. When he could stand it no more, he asked, "What? What are you thinking?" 

Lex continued to stare, but finally responded, "Nothing. I just don't ever want to forget your beauty. Your bright eyes that can be green, blue, brown, gold. Your lush hair that looks like soft velvet. Your soft eyebrows that feel so silky. Your high cheekbones that I love to trace with my thumbs. Your plump, luscious pink lips that beg me to kiss them. I want to remember it all." 

This wasn't at all what Clark had expected to hear. He was more comfortable with the tears and silence. Well, maybe not. "Lex, we see each other in Metropolis often. Maybe we could start over. Not as lovers, but as friends. If you change your ways, we could get to know each other again." Clark was amazed to discover that he wanted this to happen. 

A faint smirk appeared on Lex's lips. "If I change my ways? What ways would those be, Clark?" 

"Well, you know. You could leave Smallville alone. Concentrate your efforts solely on Metropolis. The work you've done there is promising. The city loves you, God knows why." He rolled his eyes. 

"Maybe because they don't know the real me, the psycho?" His voice was accusing. 

Clark had already forgotten about that side of Lex. _How could I forget that_? "Lex, you really scared me. What was that all about?" 

Lex sat up and scooted back against the arm of the sofa. "That, Clark, is the side of me that comes out when I think I've lost you. I was like that for almost an entire year after you left, and that's why they kept me at the hospital. I got past it enough to function in society, though as you can see it's still there, hidden away until you appear. Or should I say, until you don't. Every time I tried to goad you into confrontation, and you didn't give in, I'd spend some time with that side of my personality. It's not pretty, is it?" 

Clark sighed. "Lex, I meant what I said. You can't blame me for your behavior. I don't control you." 

A laugh that held no amusement greeted Clark. "Oh, Clark. You may not mean to, but yes, you do control me. As I controlled you when you invented this Superman character." 

"So I have you to thank for that?" 

Lex was startled. "You sound as if you don't enjoy being Superman. I know you, and I know you love it. You've found your calling. Why the sarcasm?" 

"I'd rather not get into it, but before I came here I had a talk with my father. I told him I'm ready to give up Superman." He looked to Lex for a reaction and was relieved to see that he'd regained most of his composure. 

Lex was astounded at the idea. "Clark, that's preposterous. You were sent to this planet for that reason. That much I've figured out. It's like those cave drawings, remember? I never forgot those, and I think I'm supposed to be the brotherly friend who balances you out." 

Clark's mouth lifted at one corner. "I figured that out eight years ago. I used to look at those drawings and wonder if it was you, if you'd turn against me someday. I prayed it wouldn't happen. It did." 

"I suppose it's useless to fight destiny. I became my father and your worst enemy, two things I swore I'd never be." 

Clark had no answer for that and changed the subject. "Will you keep away from Smallville now? At least in a business sense?" 

"I can't exactly turn my back on this town, Clark. I've invested too much time and money in it." He lifted his body from the couch and stretched. "I think I've experienced more mood swings in the past few hours than I have in my entire life." 

Clark silently agreed. "So what are you going to do? Are you still in therapy, Lex?" 

Lex shoved his hands in his pockets and leaned against the desk again, facing Clark. "Yes. I'm sure I will be for the rest of my life. It may not seem like it to you, but it has helped immensely." 

Clark nodded. "I'm sure it has. If I thought I could trust an outsider with my true identity, I think I'd try it myself. Being Superman isn't all fun and games, you know." 

Lex shrugged. "Well, as for me, I do plan to back off from Smallville. I no longer have any reason to antagonize you or draw you out. I will continue my current business dealings, though." 

"I suppose you can't change the past and bring back all the families." 

"No, Clark. I can't." Lex refused to sound apologetic. 

"Maybe that idea about starting over again isn't viable. I think there's been too much between us to just overlook it." 

"Clark, we don't have to overlook it. We can use it to strengthen our bond and incorporate it into a new friendship." Lex didn't sound hopeful. 

"No, Lex. I think the best thing we can do right now is walk away from each other and go on with our lives, like I mentioned earlier." Clark knew this to be true. 

"We'll still see each other occasionally, Clark. Unless you quit your job at the _Planet_." He glanced at Clark. 

Clark shook his head. "No, I don't plan to do that. I like being a reporter, and I like working there." 

"What about the Superman thing?" 

Clark sighed and closed his eyes. "When I left the farm I had no intention of giving it up. My father has that effect on me. He reminded me why I do it. It's strange, though. After this time spent with you, I almost feel like my job is done. Does that make any sense?" 

"I'm not sure." 

"Neither am I, unfortunately. Remember that I became Superman to fight you originally. Now you're acting as if you're no longer going to be a threat to the world." 

Lex chuckled. "I said I'd back off Smallville, Clark, not the world. I'm actually planning to run for office." 

Clark was surprised. "Which office?" 

"I was thinking maybe I'd start small, maybe as the mayor of Metropolis. After all, that city loves me, God knows why." He grinned. 

"Ah, Lex, what are we going to do? I feel like I've spent most of my life in combat with you. Now the war's over and I don't know what to feel." 

"It's called post-traumatic stress syndrome, Clark. Happens to most military personnel once they return to civilian life." 

"Is it over, though, Lex? Honestly?" 

"I hope so. As much fun as it's been to torture you, I'm tired. Eight years is a long time to fight a war." 

Clark nodded tiredly. "Yes. I think we need to stay out of each other's lives as much as possible, Lex." 

"Are you dating Lois Lane?" 

This was an unexpected subject change. Clark looked at Lex, startled. "Huh? No." 

"I thought you liked her." 

Where was Lex going with this? Clark was on guard again. "I did. I do. But not like that. I was confused." 

"She does remind you of Lana, doesn't she?" 

Ah. "Yes, I suppose she does in some ways. Although her tenacity is more reminiscent of Chloe." 

"You know about them, right? About Lana and Chloe?" 

"Yes, Lex. No one was more surprised than me to hear they'd become lovers." Clark would never forget the shock and denial he'd felt when he'd heard. 

"So you've completely given up on Lana Lang and Lois Lane? Hmm, quite an alliteration there." 

"Yes, I've noticed. And yes, I've given up on them. And no, I haven't given up on women, and no, I don't plan to." Clark glared defiantly at Lex. 

Lex just smiled at him. "So, Clark, want to get hitched?" 

Clark rolled his eyes. "Not funny, Luthor. This is serious. My most pressing thought right now is those bombs," he said pointedly. 

"Oh, those." Incredibly, Lex waved a hand in dismissal. "Don't worry, Clark, they really are fake." 

"And why should I believe you this time?" 

"Because the game's over, Clark. Here." He pulled the little black box out of his pocket and tossed it toClark, who caught it gingerly as if afraid it would blow up. He watched Clark inspect it carefully with his x-ray vision. "Don't be scared, it's just a simple car alarm keychain." 

"You promise?" Clark wasn't sure whether to trust Lex or not. 

"I promise, Clark. Have I ever lied to you?" he smirked. 

"As a matter of fact, Lex, yes, you have. So stop using that line. It's old and inappropriate." He stood up and stared at Lex, suddenly shy. "I guess I should go now. Are you okay?" 

"Actually, I am. Surprisingly enough. My therapist would be proud. I'm doing better than I would've expected in this situation. What I feel mostly is a sense of profound relief, like the burden's been lifted." 

"Same here, Lex. I want us to move on now and enjoy what's left of our lives. You and I have wasted too much time playing games, and besides, we're too old now." 

"This is the truth. So I suppose you just plan to walk out of here like everything's fine now?" 

"No, Lex. I don't think everything will ever be fine for us. But I think we can try. I think eventually things will be...okay." 

Lex pursed his lips and nodded. "Okay. I can live with that. So...about that starting over thing...?" 

Clark shook his head. "No, Lex, that was crazy. I think we've gone too far to rebuild any sort of friendship between us. How about mutual respect and courtesy?" 

Lex was silent for a long while. Clark used the time to gather up the duffel bag from the doorway. Looking at it through new eyes, he let it drop from his grasp. He knew now that he'd never put on that cape again, and once again felt a weight lift from his shoulders. Superman had reached his pinnacle, and Clark Kent had survived to reach the other side. 

Lex's voice startled him. "I've got an offer, Clark. More like a deal. If you can prove to me that you truly have no feelings for me beyond respect and courtesy, you can leave this place and I promise to let you go unfettered. I won't ever attempt to interfere in your life again." 

Clark felt a stab of fear. Hadn't he already proved that, or at least pretended to? "How am I supposed to do that, Lex? I already told you it's over." 

Lex held up his hand. "Let me finish. If you can't prove this to me, then I will have to assume that you still love me and have become a talented actor over the years. If this is the case, you agree to meet me for lunch or dinner once a week for the next year. At the end of that year you can choose to discontinue our meetings if you still want to. But for that year, you live up to the agreement and promise not to back out of it." 

"Lex, what good will that do?" 

"That will give me a chance to show you that we can still make it work." 

Clark was scared. He didn't know if he'd be able to lie convincingly again. 

"If you don't take the deal, Clark, I will continue to harass you until you give in." 

"Once again, you call the shots." 

"Haven't I always?" Lex smirked. He walked over to stand near Clark. 

Clark sighed, knowing he was trapped. "I don't have a choice, Lex. I want this to be over, and I thought we'd finished with the games. But alright, if this is what you need to do to let go, I guess I'll play along. But how can I prove it so that you'll believe me?" 

Lex gazed at Clark with sudden tenderness. "It's easier than you think, Clark. But you can't lie about this. I want the truth." 

"Have I ever lied to you, Lex?" 

Lex grinned. "We're about to find out, aren't we?" He reached into the pocket of his pants and brought his hand out in a fist, extended toward Clark. "Do you know what I have here, Clark?" 

_Oh God_ , _no more threats_! _I can't take this_! Clark pleaded with him. "Please don't kill anyone." 

Lex laughed. "It's not a weapon. It's proof." 

He opened his hand and Clark couldn't help but cringe, waiting for the bang. When nothing happened he opened his eyes and saw the last thing he'd expected to see: Lex's engagement ring. The emerald still sparkled, even in the gloomy dimness of the room. Clark stood in awe as his vision blurred with tears. 

"Now," Lex's voice was a thick whisper. "If you don't have yours here right now, you can walk out of here. Free. But if you do..." a pause. "If you do, I know you never stopped loving me, and that even after all the horror we've endured, this is meant to be." Clark's rapid heartbeat roared in his ears and he thought he might faint. In addition to his own stupor, his superhearing clearly picked up the erratic heartbeat in Lex's chest. A crumbling sound reached him as well, and he realized it was the destruction of the wall he'd built around his heart. He couldn't take his eyes from the ring. His mind couldn't quite wrap around the huge significance of it in Lex's open palm. 

"Clark?" Lex's voice was desperate and raw. "Please, just...just tell me. Am I wrong?" 

He looked up into Lex's eyes and his heart wrenched at the pleading in them. Slowly, as if afraid to break the moment, he reached up to his throat and lifted a silver chain from beneath the neck of his sweater. Once free, the weight of the ring dropped the necklace onto his chest and his hand reached forward to close over Lex's open palm. "Out of sight..." 

Lex's expression collapsed as he finished, "...is never out of mind." 

Clark pulled Lex forward into his arms and they crumpled into each other, holding on for dear life. Neither was willing to let go. 

"I love you, Clark." 

Clark had never heard sweeter words in his life. "I love you too, Lex." 

**THE END**


End file.
